BEEP BEEP BEEP… BEEP BEEP BEEP…
The scream of the alarm woke me up. It is 4 am!!! I fumble for my phone on the side table which is still buzzing. My finger slides across the screen and silences the alarm, but in my mind, it is still ringing. “You have no time to waste. Get up and get going!” I tell myself.
I tip toe my way into the bathroom to take a quick shower. Tip toeing is not just the need of the hour but also a habit now. I am mother to two toddlers after all!!
No, I do not wake up at this crazy time every day. And I never take a shower this early either. Today is just an exception. It is an important day. I will be venturing out in the wee hours of the morning for a hike in a sacred mountain. They call it CHOTA KAILASH.
Legend has it, that lord Shiva along with Goddess Parvati visited this hill-top and stayed there for a while. Many believe that no prayer goes unanswered here. Nestled in the bountiful lap of the hills Kumaun range of Uttarakhand, I have heard many tales of this trek and the temple up there, in my growing up years. I am not a very devout or spiritual person. Neither am I pretentious about my religious believes nor do I get affected by somebody else’s renditions of Godliness. My understanding of God is restricted to a belief that there exists an unknown benefactor, much more magnanimous, benevolent, and gracious than humans.
It is not that I had a wish that the Gods had so far ignored and that I wanted to wake and shake them to attend to my prayer. Let us just say, I am at a stage in life where, my children have stopped sucking milk and blood out of me, they are potty trained, they can manage all finger foods on their own, they can run without losing balance and have developed some sort of connect with the outside world too, giving me some time out! In the last 10 years of my life, conveniently compartmentalized into a career, marriage, and children, like in a high-speed train, there have been limited instances where I have looked out of the window and enjoyed the view. So today, I want to do it.
I want to ascend to the top of that mountain and experience what it is to be there, to just breathe there. The dash of divinity that I talked about earlier, is like an icing on the cake.
Basically, I am not your regular trekker, I do not wake up this early and this is not a call of the divine.
And yet, here I am, up and behaving like an enthusiastic cutlet.
Just when I am patting my back for dragging myself out of the bed straight into the shower at 4 in the morning, my younger one starts banging the bathroom door. I can hear the sobs.
Why? I mean why? She is 3 and she should be fast asleep at this hour! But no, of all the days, she has conveniently chosen today to wake up this early, walk out of the bed in the dark and bang the door with full force!
I finish my shower as quickly as any mother does, in this circumstance (and that is in no time practically!) and lift her in my arms, once out of the bathroom.
Questions like why you left us alone on the bed? Why are you bathing at this hour? Is it morning? Are you going somewhere? are hurled at me along with tears rolling down her cheeks. I try to duck them by holding her tight in my embrace.
I hush her and try to put her to sleep. It is 4.30 am now. My cousin, who I plan to go with, has just texted me that he is ready. We were supposed to leave at 4.30 am. I texted my brother back Another 20 minutes. Tushita is up and crying. I was the one who had expressed the desire to attempt this hike. He and my aunt (Chachi) had agreed to accompany me.
I sang a couple of lullabies to put her to sleep. I feared that if she did not sleep soon enough, the elder one will also wake up.
I had read about the six-sigma concept in my management course, way back in 2006. But it has been put to use, only after becoming a mother. In the last 6 years of motherhood, I can count on my fingers the number of times I have left my children under somebody else’s care, apart from my husband’s. When I did, the six-sigma came into immediate effect. I had planned this trek to the last detail. My eyes were fixated at the pair of sneakers and socks, that I had kept ready the night before, just outside the bathroom. My backpack was lying on the sofa close to the doorstep. The bag consisting of my children’s clothes and toiletries, was also lying next to it. I would be handing it over to my mother who was sleeping in the bedroom downstairs. My parents and the house help had been handed out enough and more instructions to handle my children in my absence. I would be back before lunch. There was nothing I had missed.
What I did not consider is the fact that my kids have these invisible magical sensors that give them the power to feel my presence or absence even in their deep sleep!!! I wanted to cry at 4.45 am, seeing my little one smiling at me. My six sigma something was falling flat on the face. I was beginning to get disheartened seeing my efforts getting thwarted by circumstances. This was not the first time that I had planned this trek. In the last 3 months it crossed my mind several times. The plan went kaput twice before also. One time we managed to do the motorable distance and then had to retract our steps because of the thousands of devotees flocking to ascend the sacred mountain, most of them without mask. (This happened on Mahashivratri)
It is 5.00 am. Tushita has slept. I swiftly grab my shoes and backpack, put them on and leave the house after taking a run through with my mother, of all that is to be done with the children till, I come back.
As I sit in the car, I tell the mother in me, to take a back seat. How bad can it go? It is time I allow somebody else to take over for a few hours. What will be, shall be.
It took us approximately an hour and a half to reach the base of the mountain. The three of us start the trek with a lot of gusto which lasts for not more than a few minutes, alas. My brother is a fitness enthusiast. He runs a lot. Like a lot. 20 km kind of run!!! He is obviously leading us, slowing down throughout, due to my pace. My aunt is a mountain baby. She has spent a considerable portion of her life living in a difficult terrain. This uphill journey does not seem to affect her devotion towards the divine. That leaves only me! The slowest of the three. The one who at one point is thinking it is tougher than I have read and heard. The one who is neither a fitness enthusiast nor a zealot devotee.
Something strange happened around the same time. A dog came out of nowhere and started walking with us. His gait, his wagging tail, his agile body, everything had an endearing quality. He became our companion. We got distracted by his company and continued our journey upwards. The trek seemed more serene and tranquil than I had heard. The terrain is scarcely populated. The dog leading our pack was some sort of divine intervention, I still feel.
After a back breaking climb, I have been rewarded with a perfectly cloudless sky and an infinitely beautiful vista of rolling hills under it. A gentle breeze is blowing at my face drying the sweat that is trickling down my forehead. Maybe there is a dash of divinity sprinkled over this place. It is time I embrace all of this.
At approximately, 1800 meters above sea level, I have learnt to let go, finally. For once, I am living in the moment. My children, their breakfast options, their bath routine, their online class, everything has vanished into thin air. I am not thinking about them. I am staring (admiring really), the clear blue sky. I cannot recollect when I last saw such a pristine azure shade of the sky. I never knew blues could make you happy. Suddenly I am here and nowhere else. Every breath that I take here, is free from my own inhibitions and responsibilities. I am a bit slap-happy right now wondering whether I should keep admiring this blue sky, the majestic mountains around, the soft introspective tintinnabulum of the temple bells? Or should I close my eyes and take a deep breath to let all this sink in? And oscillating between these two states like a pendulum, I experience my moment of happiness. This is my pursuit of happiness.
PICTURE CREDITS : UNSPLASH.COM