Que Sera Sera…

by Varunika
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I look at my watch.

7 am!!! Doesn’t 6 precede 7? Was my phone on silent mode? I think the alarm does not work properly! For once can I wake up before the crack of dawn? For once can my five-point program materialize. There goes my new year resolution 2021!!!”

I am disappointed at my miserable attempt to live up to my own New year resolution. My five-point program is mockingly waving goodbye to me! And what is this five-point program?

  1. Wake up before the sun himself
  2. Kickstart the day with a hot cup of tea to be drank sip by sip, giving it its due time and respect.
  3. Investing myself in at least one chapter from a book.
  4. ‘Exercise in the morning before your brain figures out what you are doing’ as the adage goes.
  5. Writing something, anything.

All this, before the little devils that I created, wake up!!!!

That my friends is my five point program, something which I was looking forward to, not just this morning but for every morning of 2021.

Devastated by the realization that it isn’t happening for me, I throw away my quilt and guilt, hurriedly and rush to the bathroom. I freshen up, call my cousin, and freeze a 5 km walk in the vicinity, for 7.30am. My girls are still asleep. I swiftly plant a bottle of milk in my 3-year old’s mouth, and she laps it up even in her slumber. Assured that now she will not wake up for the next 1 hour at least, I hurriedly walk out of the house, after signaling the house help to keep a check, just in case.

As I step out of the house, the cold air outside, comes on my face like a slap.

“Woman you deserve this for being the indolent human you have been. 38 years and still struggling to get out of bed early in the morning!”

While I am discussing various things with my cousin during our walk, my mind is simultaneously in a state of hubbub. I read somewhere that our brain houses more than 100 billion nerves that communicate in trillions of connections called synapses. Trust me, all my 100 billion nerves were active and communicating in trillions of these synapses. Does it happen to you? Sometimes we mothers have so many things from our TO DO list, that we kind of freeze. I find it difficult to prioritize what is important and end up attaching too much importance to everything. Hence the stress.

I was stressed that one full week had passed, and I had nothing to write about. Was my inventory of thoughts over?  I was stressed if I will ever be able to do away with my lazy self? I was stressed what if my kids woke up before I reached home (My younger one can get crankier than the crankiest!)? I was stressed on many counts.

Almost 2 km into the walk, we stumbled upon a roadside Nursery. My cousin who is fond of gardening suggested we pay a fleeting visit (By the way I am an Agriculture graduate myself! But agricultural science somehow did not appeal to me ever). I agreed and we walked into the nursery.

Out of those trillions of synapses and billions of nerves in my brain, a few suddenly felt relaxed. Believe me when I say, I felt a surge of positivity within me. Maybe it was just an enchanting morning, maybe it was the winter breeze blowing on my face or maybe it was the vibrant colors in that nursery that found their way to the deepest crannies of my soul. Whatever it was, it was nothing short of a miracle. I found myself breathing, feeling my breath. While my cousin enquired about succulents and some indoor plants, I just stood there smiling at the plants. It was as if the plants sucked in all my stress.

I walked out so much lighter. Since we were not carrying any cash or card, we assured the owner that we would come back in the afternoon for some plant shopping.

And we did that. I took both my girls to the nursery later in the afternoon for a walk. It was something we had not done earlier. I only wonder why? A while ago my husband called, and the girls were ecstatic while describing their nursery visit.

Coming back to my new year resolution going for a toss.

I may have missed the alarm today, but the alarm will buzz again tomorrow. I may not have written anything the whole week, but I am writing now. I may not have read something beautiful today, but the book is still lying on my bedside table! And I may not have found a way to diffuse the chaotic workings of my brain, but I did find my way to a peaceful place along the road. A place that whispered in my ears QUE SERA SERA…

So, here’s to many more such walks into random nurseries, that set my heart free. I look forward to them.

Of the many things that I will be looking forward to this year, I will also look forward to singing:

QUE SERA SERA,

WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE

THE FUTURE IS NOT OURS, TO SEE

QUE SERA SERA

WHAT WILL BE , WILL BE.

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